Tuesday, December 16, 2008


my dad is gone alreay thank God and i am not doing to good i am so hurt and angry and i feel so mad at the world and everyone in it right now i just want to die i have been feeling like cutting i have been fighting to not i see susan on friday havent seen her in a month or more i feel i am on my way to the hospital i am just so angry and i hate myself i feel i need to be hurt i deserve to be hurt and punished i feel i am bad i cant stop crying and dont know what to do my dad was here dad me klea and mom got together and there where all just talking about how proud of klea they were she has a car a nice place a job shes in school working so hard i have nothing i am nothing but a worthless peice of shit no one notices or even says how proud of me they are no one notices that i just fight each day to wake up to eat to clean my place to not cut how hard i just fight to try to keep myself alive to keep myself from killing myself no one notices or cares or is proud of me of how far i have come no one cares that it is just hard for me to wake to clean to keep myself safe and it hurts it really hurts me and i am so angry why do i go on living i cant commit suicide it is a sin so i pray every night God will take me.

i feel like a little girl right now like i need to just be cuddled or huged or held is that bad for osmeone who is 29 to feel this way i just hurt so bad

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