Thursday, November 27, 2008


the last couple days i have been So Angry at the world and everyone in it i dont trust and i have been hating people some things have been happening lately and people just piss me off no wonder why i live alone no wonder why i dont trust no wonder why i am scared of get close

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Speaking Out

The First Time The Abuse Began that i remember Was When i was 10 i was sexualy abused by a neighbor a elderly man i was outside by myself he told me to come over to visut me being a little girl and all dident know any better me having perents that didednt teach my about not talking to strangers.went over.we talked he told me he had candy you know the whole deal with abusers trying to lure you in with candy and wot not we went to his room he had candy i took some we went to the kitchen i remember i am scared and shaking he took my clothes of slowly pulled down my pants and lifted me up in his arms naked he held me close i can remember the smells the room his face i remember everything he touched me he did bad things to me.i dont want to say what he did cuz i am scared i dont remember leaving i mean i know i did but i dont remmebrd i never told my parents about what happend.till i was 18 at age ten i started cutting slashing my arms doing anything i could to hurt myself WHY cuz i deserverd it i was dirty a bad girl i deserved to be hurt now between the age of 10 and 18 i was abused more by more people but we wont go there today i will just start at age 10 Why Why ME WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME why do i deserve to be hurt and abused and punished why to this day do i still belive it why am i bad why am i dirty a naughty bad girl.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY why do men like me why do they want to hurt me WHY

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Venting /November.22

Today i am haveing bad thoughts in my head and feeling like cutting myself i am trying so hard

to stay strong to be happy but my heart hurts so bad and i cant get rid of these bad thoughts

i try and try and try to be strong anger burns my heart burns my flesh i hate anger i hate alot of things people who hurt other people why WHY WHY do there have to be hurtful people in this world people who abuse others who abuse children. I freaking hate child abusers they should all be shot i am so mad right now i want to SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM