Hurting Bad

iam hurting so freaking bad right now i just want to die i wish i was dead but God wont take me why do i deserve to be hurt and abused is that why i was born to be hurt and punished i dont understand at all

Thank God

thanks God today my dad left my house i feel cuz he is my dad i have to love him but i hate him if that makes sence he was being such a dink today paron my mouth but i am so mad he made me cry and my sister to they both try and make me look bad and feel bad i hate it i am still feeling like cutting so bad but i am trying to fight i missed my councelling apt today but i got a tat lol a butterfly i will post it in my art blog and steve you make me laugh thank you for being a good friend and for careing and thank you to everyone else it means alot to me so i am alone tonight yayyyy no stupid family lol

love ya all

amy

Speaking Out

The First Time The Abuse Began that i remember Was When i was 10 i was sexualy abused by a neighbor a elderly man i was outside by myself he told me to come over to visut me being a little girl and all dident know any better me having perents that didednt teach my about not talking to strangers.went over.we talked he told me he had candy you know the whole deal with abusers trying to lure you in with candy and wot not we went to his room he had candy i took some we went to the kitchen i remember i am scared and shaking he took my clothes of slowly pulled down my pants and lifted me up in his arms naked he held me close i can remember the smells the room his face i remember everything he touched me he did bad things to me.i dont want to say what he did cuz i am scared i dont remember leaving i mean i know i did but i dont remmebrd i never told my parents about what happend.till i was 18 at age ten i started cutting slashing my arms doing anything i could to hurt myself WHY cuz i deserverd it i was dirty a bad girl i deserved to be hurt now between the age of 10 and 18 i was abused more by more people but we wont go there today i will just start at age 10 Why Why ME WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME why do i deserve to be hurt and abused and punished why to this day do i still belive it why am i bad why am i dirty a naughty bad girl.



WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY why do men like me why do they want to hurt me WHY

Venting /November.22

Today i am haveing bad thoughts in my head and feeling like cutting myself i am trying so hard

to stay strong to be happy but my heart hurts so bad and i cant get rid of these bad thoughts

i try and try and try to be strong anger burns my heart burns my flesh i hate anger i hate alot of things people who hurt other people why WHY WHY do there have to be hurtful people in this world people who abuse others who abuse children. I freaking hate child abusers they should all be shot i am so mad right now i want to SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM