BLA Men

I Met a guy he liked me i liked him he came over for coffee he then says to me i have a protective wall around me i have feer of men cuz of my past abuse true but not all men am i afraid of he was someone i new had a heart and cared i felt safe around him and i liked him so much then the next day he comes over says i want nothing to do with you cuz of my fear he wouldent let me talk or nothing 2 in the afternoon i start drinking i was so hurt and upset so i cut and drank till 4 am my sis and i went to a bar i couldent even have fun i cried and cried i felt i was worthless like i dont deserve to be loved or be happy i cant find a man or woman or any more for that matter i feel like iam nothing but a piece of shit and my heart hurts so bad i wonder why iam here on this earth i wish God would take me but for some reason he wont and i dont understand why.